5 REASONS WHY WE GERMANS HATE OUR FAMOUS AUTOBAHN.

It is every petrolhead’s life goal to drive on the famous unrestricted German Autobahn. But we Germans have to use these roads every day. And so, over the years, we found many things we hate about it.

1. They are in horrible condition

The first Autobahns were built out of concrete slabs. Sure, many Autobahns were rebuilt and are now made out of tarmac, but especially where I live (in the south of Germany, near Munich) they are still made out of concrete. This causes a very bumpy ride, and, what’s even worse, it’s a safety issue. Because as soon as the temperatures reach 30°C, the concrete extends and folds up. These are called ‘Blow-Ups’, and many bikers lost there lives when hitting these things at speed. BUT HEY, no problem, the German government has found the perfect solution for that: Just replace stripes of the concrete with tarmac, so it can extend without breaking up. This obviously makes the ride even worse… And then there’s the noise. While other Autobahns are already made out of a special noise-reducing tarmac, these rough concrete slabs make a hell of a noise.
I know that the situation gets better the further north you get in Germany, as they rebuilt them from North to South. But that leads me onto the next big problem.

2. Roadworks take forever

You remember that Top Gear Episode where the guys were challenged to renovate a road in 24 Hours? Well I bet the German government didn’t watch it.

Let me give you an example. Pretty close to where I live, there is the A94. It was designed to connect Munich and Passau, a distance of 155km. But since today, only 70km are in use. Why? Because the rest isn’t built yet, or because there are still discussions with the land owners. And, believe it or not, they have been working on this f*cking piece of road for MORE THAN 30 YEARS NOW. And it’s estimated to be finished by 2025 (which means it’s not gonna be finished before 2035). So almost 50 years for 155km of road. We are super angry about that, as a big part of the traffic drives through our village instead.

Let me give you another example, just to clarify how incredibly long this build time is. We go on vacation to Croatia every year, and we are always amazed by the progress they have made in one year. Last year for example, we discovered a new ‘Autobahn’ which seemed to lead through the entire country, and we were sure that it hadn’t been there last year. And guess what: It included several tunnels, bridges, and was built on uneven wasteland. And it was made out of proper tarmac. IN ONE F*CKING YEAR.

So, why are do the roadworks in Germany take that long? The workers only work from about 9 to 16 o’clock. And not on Saturdays or Sundays. The safety procedures take for ever. And when you actually see someone work, there are at least three people standing next to him, with cigarettes, watching him do the work.

Oh, and of course, the speed limits also exist on the weekends and in the night because they are too lazy to cover the signs. Which brings me onto my next point.

3. Unrestricted? Hahaha!

The Autobahn is most famous for the fact that you can go as fast as you want. But that’s actually very rare. The speed on the Autobahn is almost always restricted to 120 km/h (75mph). And then there’s the roadworks, which we talked about earlier, where you have to drive 60km/h (37mph).
And there are many other options to slow us down. For example, ‘Schleudergefahr’. Often used when the road is wet, but sometimes also when it’s completely dry, this advises you to go slow because otherwise you might spin out. It’s great fun going 60 on a dry Autobahn…

4. Traffic jams

Traffic jams are common on every high-speed road. And especially on the Autobahn. Every morning, every evening. And guess which city had the most traffic jams in 2016? - Munich.

5. There are way too many idiots on the road

Let me just list a few of them:
Lane hogs, especially in the middle lane.
BMW drivers who pull up behind you with flashing lights, ready to push your trunk into your glovebox.
Idiots who change lanes without using their indicators.
And I could continue for ever.

The worst possible thing: So called Elephant races. A truck overtaking another truck, with 1/10th of a km/h of speed difference. The German law says that these overtaking maneuvers which often block the entire Autobahn may only take 45 seconds. But seriously, who’s gonna control this? No lorry driver seems to give a sh*t about that.

So, that’s it for now.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that we have an Autobahn here, but nothing is perfect, and so criticism should be allowed.

Tobi aka The Stig’s German Cousin