Call Me Stupid, But A 575hp M5 Is Too Much Excess For The UK

The F10 BMW M5 is one of the best cars you could ever hope to drive. In standard form, its 32-valve, 4.4-litre twin turbocharged V8 develops a supercar-rivalling 560hp and 502lb ft torque. The near-two-tonne car launches to 62mph in 4.3 seconds and 100mph from a standstill in around nine seconds.For even greater performance, BMW offers its Competition Package, a £6700 upgrade which ups power by 15hp to a truly blasphemous 575hp. With the optional extra, the 0-62mph sprint is cut by 0.1sec, while a sports exhaust, sports steering and sports suspension are added to make the car even more gnarly and obscene. On paper then the F10 M5 is the type of car that belongs in any petrolhead's dream garage. It's stupendously fast, incredibly practical and very comfortable. Everything you'd hope for in a £100k super saloon, in fact.

I’m still not finished, however. While the BMW fraternity still pines over the death of the E60 M5’s V10 (‘the best-sounding’ M5 there has ever been according to 99.9 per cent of us), the F10’s exhaust and engine note is also unadulterated ear porn.

Add to this the car’s seven-speed M double-clutch transmission which slips through gears unnoticed, plus brakes - especially these carbon ceramic pieces - that scrub off ridiculous speeds in a heartbeat, and the M5 package becomes more compelling still.

But there’s a problem. The M5’s size (around five metres long and 2.1 metres wide), makes UK roads feel even narrower than they already are.

The best way to drive the M5 is to sink into the leather, switch to Radio 2 and kick back and relax

What’s more, the sheer power of the 575bhp M5 is about as useful as the V8-powered blender we saw on that motoring programme. Bury the accelerator in gears one to four and you lose traction instantly (such are the joys of an average annual temperature of 12.4 degrees and 156 days of rainfall). The M5’s brain then cuts the V8’s power to make sense of the madness, which instantly halts progress. You could, of course, switch the nannying to its least intrusive setting, but then you’re shredding tyres and kicking up smoke - great for the track, but frowned upon by the rozzers, Honda Jazz drivers and…cyclists.

The best way to drive the M5 is to sink into the leather, switch to Radio 2 and kick back and relax. At which point you ask yourself: ‘what the hell am I doing with an explosive M5, when a powerful diesel would do the trick?’ The real-world A to B times would be identical (especially with the 313bhp 535d) and your bank manager will thank you for it too.

The answer is a simple one; on the occasions (and these are very few and far between) that you do get to explore the F10 M5’s exhilarating performance, headache-inducing stopping power and incredible grip, you’ll be thankful that these super saloons of excess still exist among a world of hybrids, superminis and ‘Boris bikes.’

Given the choice, however, I wouldn’t have one as a daily driver. The new BMW M235i is far better suited to the UK in terms of size, power and running costs. For a trip through Germany, though? Chuck me back the keys to the M5 please, BMW!