10 Sounds A Parent Never Wants To Hear Coming From The Back Seat

1. Fingers on glass

It might as well be the sound of nails on a chalkboard. The squeaking sound coming from a little hand smearing fingerprints down a clean window lets you know it’s about time to give the interior a full valet. Again.

2. Bleh!

Here’s a frightening sound I encountered last weekend coming from my daughter, Layla. It went something like this:

• Layla: I don’t feel too good.
• Me: Why don’t you take a sip of your water? Do you want me to turn up the air?
• Layla: I think I’m going to…BLEH (vomits wildly all over the back seat)
  SPLASH (the sound of vomit hitting the back of the passenger’s seat and door)
• Me: Okay. It’s okay. I’m pulling over, just aim for the same spot if you can.

3. Oops

It doesn’t really matter why the child says “Oops” or what comes after that. All you know is something went wrong. It could be a drop, a spill or something unharmful. It’s the mystery behind the “Oops” that drives a parent crazy.

4. Click

At a certain age, most kids will do this at least once. Click! Off goes the seatbelt. What follows is parental panic to get the restraint back in place before they get hurt or the parent gets a ticket.

5. Little feet

This is the one that gets me fired up because no matter how many times I tell my daughter not to put her feet on the seat in front of her, she still does it. The child kicking the passenger seat is the worst, though. The parent is just out for a drive, when suddenly the scratchy sound of little shoes on the back of the passenger chair is heard.

6. The navigator

A young child can’t spout out the same remarks as a full grown back-seat driver, but they have their own ways of acting the same. If they don’t recognise their surroundings, a parent may hear, “Are we lost?” A quick reassurance usually comes with the follow up question, “Are you sure?” It’s a slight annoyance, but the real trouble is with the children who ask, “Are we there yet?” every five to 10 minutes. It’s not just a phrase for the movies, kids are really just that impatient. Then, there’s my child who doesn’t understand speed limits. She constantly questions why I won’t go any faster, and I have to explain the law.

7. Stop

Setting out for a big journey, a parent wants to go as far as possible before the first stop. Sometimes, the powers of the child overrule those wishes. Something as simple as, “I forgot to bring…” could stop the car and send the family home to pick up the important item. Most often, it’s the dreaded, “I have to use the potty,” that causes the delay. That’s why parents always insist on an empty bladder before a trip.

8. What's that?

While sitting bored in the back seat, kids begin to observe their surroundings. Sometimes they see the wildest things fly past their windows. Usually, they are harmless: an inflatable creature in a used car lot, a person with an extreme hairstyle, an aeroplane or a car with a wild paint job. However, on rare occasion, the child actually sees something strange, which leaves the parent to question themselves as well. This conversation happened with my daughter over a year ago, but I will never forget it:

• Layla: That man smiled at me.
• Me: Okay, that’s nice.
  (several minutes later on the same highway)
• Layla: Why is that man still smiling at me?
• Me: What man?
• Layla: The naked man with the big boobies.
• Me: OMG, don’t look at him, look at the shirtless drugged out version of a fat Santa driving next to us!

9. Bored

Once the attention span expires, the "I’m bored” phrase soon follows. Why can’t children just sleep for long trips? As modern parents, we load them up with all the goodies and electronics we can just to curb their boredom, but soon enough we fail.

10. Crying

Here it is. The ultimate back seat disturbance that will ruin a nice drive: the crying. It gets better with age, but in the early years, a child will lose control over almost anything. They could be tired, hungry, uncomfortable or just bored….and WHAAAA! That note is struck that pierces straight to the inner brain. In this case, the parent must find that fine line between drowning out the noise with their music and causing hearing damage.