6 Hideous Car Configurations: Can You Do Worse?

“Are you sure?” said my imaginary salesman, as I specified “Blushing Pink” as the primary hide for my new Rolls Royce Phantom. It would go well, I thought, with the two-tone “Sempahore Yellow” and “Syrah Red” exterior I had just finished personalising. As I leant back in my office chair, I admired my creation. A mish-mash of far more colours from the extensive Rolls pallet than should ever be justifiable on or in a £300k car, with “visible” exhausts (on a Rolls? Surely not) and muddy brown, deep-pile carpets and all.

The end result was, predictably, a bit too vulgar even for the most loutish of premiership footballers. I shudder to think what would go through the mind of my local Rolls peddler, should I hit the “Send to Dealer” button. They’d build it for me, I’m sure of that, but whether I’d be man enough to drive such an appallingly appointed Rolls is another matter entirely.

If you haven’t already guessed, I’ve been playing around with online car configurators, a thoroughly entertaining way for a petrolhead to spend a few minutes if any there was one. We love a good configurator here at CT, there’s an oddly perverse pleasure in dressing up the world’s finest cars in silly colours before ticking every option box just to see how much we could spend, were we “throw-away” rich.

Many of the more “premium” car-makers though make do without the vulgarity of supplying pricing information, restricting you to specifying only colours, trims and alloys. If anything, this does highlight how customisable Ferraris, Masertis and Rolls Royces really are, especially when it comes to the interior. In fact, it’s possible to specify almost every different cut of leather in the cabin of a Ferrari 458, for example, in a completely different colour.

As you can see, the top of the dash’ is resplendent in a colour that can only really be described as “brown”, the Daytona-style seats are red with contrasting cream inserts, and the steering wheel is bright as I don’t know what. Stylish.

On the outside, it’s a bit more difficult to make a 458 look anything other than jaw-droppingly gorgeous. I’ve done my best though, selecting California-spec’ chromed alloys, carbon fiber everything and a McDonalds style red roof to compliment the tasty “Giallo Modena” yellow.

Maserati’s configurator is just as comprehensive. I selected a Gran Turismo Sport, before rapidly running in to the same problem I experienced at Ferrari. It’s impossible to make it look anything other than stunning. There’s not even a contrast roof option. Seriously guys, I expected better. To suffice, I optioned the smallest set of alloys, which succeeded only in making the Gran Turismo look a little bit bloated.

Inside it’s, well, pretty hideous if I’m honest. Wouldn’t you just love to see the look on the upholsterer’s face though?

Even Bugatti. Yep, the makers of one of the world’s fastest production cars has an online configurator. My 1200bhp Grand Sport teams an orange leather cabin, with a blue and yellow exterior so bright you’ll be blinding people as you drive down the street. Remember, it’s a two million quid car, so people are already going to be looking your way anyway…

The gong for possibly the most entertaining online configurator though, goes to Porsche. Not only can you relish in making the Cayenne or Panamera look even more repulsive than they already do, you can also engage in a game of “Options List Roulette”.

The rules are thus, take a bog-standard model, and than attempt to add as much as possible to the asking price by way of specifying every option. It does take some thought though; certain, more expensive options are not available in conjunction with others, “option packs” can sometimes be cheaper than specifying each option individually, and some options may delete others, resulting in a cheaper car overall.

It was therefore with my thinking cap on that I managed to add a little over £47,000 worth of options to a boggo, £57,000 Panamera. That’s an 81% price increase. Yikes.

More fun can be had in this area however, by focusing on “premium” hatches, like the Audi A1, MINI and BMW 1 Series.

Using a similar technique, I upped the value of a basic Audi A1 by 93%, from £12,775 to a massive “ROTR” price of £25,335.

MINI's configurator is the hardest to get to grips with, so it was with a gasp of joy therefore, that I upped the price of a MINI One from £13,460, to £27,000. That’s £13,540 worth of options added to a car worth £100 less, an increase of 100.6%. Win.

Let me know if you can do any better in the comments below!