7 In-Car Features We Should Kill With Fire

Love or hate certain features of modern cars - mostly hate, it seems - most aspects of the modern car do make them easier and generally more pleasant to drive on a daily basis.

When it comes to in-car features, there's plenty to enjoy in the modern car. Adequate ventilation wasn't always a given in older stuff, nor were dials that generally worked each morning. Recalcitrant gearboxes, flimsy trim and lack of storage space also make the journeys in some older cars less enticing than it otherwise might be.

But there are some things that just shouldn't have changed. If we've missed any, be sure to let us know below in the comments.

Electronic handbrakes

I'm not the first person to moan about electric handbrakes, and I won't be the last. But they get a dishonourable first place in this otherwise unordered list for being unfailingly rubbish compared to the do-it-yourself alternative.

The problem here is multi-faceted. For a start, everyone's electric handbrake seems to be ever so slightly different. Some you pull to engage and they disengage automatically. Others press to engage, and pull to release... but also release automatically. Some have a button, others a mini-handle.

I've not yet driven a car with an electro-handbrake that I could use without thinking after a full week's prodding and swearing, but I've never climbed into a car of any sort with a traditional handbrake that I didn't figure out within the first ten seconds.

The next issue is that most feel rather half-arsed. The brakes that release automatically tend to do so when you lightly press the accelerator, but they rarely release smoothly so you inevitably lurch forward as they do so. Even those that do work make a daft electro-mechanical sound as they engage.

That they're now putting them in Porsches and other such vehicles is a far greater tragedy than the disappearance of the manual gearbox.

Key and starter button combinations

Like traditional handbrakes, keys work. You put it in, twist it, the car starts. Buttons work too - you press them, they do something.

So why complicate the issue by requiring both, particularly in a new-fangled car that's supposed to make everything easy? I've not once climbed into a car and thought, "you know what? I wish this thing would take longer to start".

If I wanted that, I'd buy something ancient that has individual switches for the fuel pump, ignition and starter, because at least then I'd feel a bit like a fighter pilot. A car that needs a key twist and then a press of the starter button just makes the whole process take a bit longer than it would with one or the other.

It's the automotive equivalent of those old TVs that required you to get up and turn them on at the unit, even though they had a remote control for all the other functions.

Redesigned indicator stalks

Guess what else carmakers should just stop pissing about with because they've worked fine for decades? That's right, indicators.

Once again, traditional ones are really frickin' simple to operate. You tip the lever in the same direction as you'd turn the steering wheel to indicate that direction. Some cancel themselves, but whether they do or don't you can flick the lever to the centre to cancel them.

What we don't need is a stalk that never moves off-centre (thanks, Vauxhall). Nor any attempt to combine features for indicators and wipers onto the same stalk (looking at you, Mercedes).

Nor do we really need a three-flash lane-change doodah, if only because it makes you look like a twonk if you try and do a "trucker's thanks" by flashing either way and it blinking away like the world's worst poker player.

And while we're on the subject, bring back the indicator stalk on the right-hand side, so us right-hand drivers can use it while we're doing other things, like changing gear.

Old-style trip computer buttons

The best trip computer button in the world is one you don't need to search for. Ideally it should be a relatively large button, with the word "trip" on it, located somewhere in the region of a) the steering wheel, b) the centre console or c) in the region of the dials.

A poor trip computer button is that used by any lazy manufacturer with an oversupply of the old plastic stalk-style ones that you used to reset your trip odometer with. It feels cheap for one, and requires you to reach your hand through the damn steering wheel to press it for another. "How did I crash, officer? Funny story..."

Humerus-destroying center armrests

List of things that are awful:

1) James Corden 2) The X-Factor 3) Beliebers 4) Whacking my elbow on a hard plastic center armrest when I change gear because some halfwit interior designer doesn't understand ergonomics

Ratchet-type backrest adjusters

Via Team-BHP.com

Who invented these things? The only explanation I can come up with is that they were invented before the rotary backrest adjuster, and for purposes of reducing cost, some makers have simply never adopted the other option.

It's unwise to adjust your seat while driving, but we've all been in the situation where slight discomfort on a longer journey has required us to adjust the backrest a little. With a rotary dial, this is fine - simply spin it one way or the other. With a lever, you must lean forward and let the seat move with you to adjust it upright, or pull the lever and hope to god you don't fall flat on your back at 70 mph to recline it.

Not only that, but a rotary adjuster effectively has infinite adjustment. A lever doesn't, making it slightly more imperfect than it already is.

Heating and ventilation buttons

I'm no luddite, but some things are simply better the way they were. One of those things was the rotary heating and ventilation control, which allowed you to change every setting of your ventilation system by feel alone.

It's something barely possible now without taking your eyes off the road for a few seconds, as small pictograms are the only things that denote airflow from temperature from fan speed from recirculation from the on and off button from the button that warms your arse and makes you infertile.

Any control you can use in a car without having to divert your attention from the road is automatically better than one you have to inspect each time before use.