Don't Fat-Shame The New BMW M5 Touring (Yet)

Lordy, we do like to tear things down, don’t we? A new BMW M5 Touring is announced and it should be all the car we’ll ever need, but the internet is awash with moans about how it’s too heavy and therefore a travesty.

Look. We’re not in the 1990s anymore. Yes, the E39 BMW M5 was great, but that was then. In the mid-2020s there are realities that we must face, and they contain electrification. One day, probably, the M5 Touring will be a fully electric car, but right now it’s a middle ground, with a plug-in hybrid powertrain and all-wheel drive.

On the one hand, that means electric-only power when you want it, which saves fuel for when you want to use the sonorific 4.4-litre V8 engine. On the downside, it adds a teensy tiny bit of weight. How much? Well, it clocks in at around 2.5 tonnes. That sound you hear is Colin Chapman spinning in his grave and wishing he had access to Twitter/X to complain.

In an ideal world, yes, a hybrid system would be made of graphene and weigh nothing, but we’re a long way from an ideal world. Societal demand and various international legislation require a new car to keep the emissions down, and a PHEV system makes that doable. It lets you have a big V8 and 717bhp.

Sure, physics is physics, and it’ll be harder to shift direction in a 2.5-tonne car than in a 1.5-tonne car. But if you want something lightweight, maybe don’t go for a large luxury car with a B&W sound system, four-zone climate control and a 500-litre boot.

The number of M5 Tourings heading to a racetrack will be minimal, and chassis engineering has never been as clever as it is now. The BMW engineers will, I am confident, do an excellent job of working within the boundaries of actual science and harness, and the car will handle about as much as a 2.5-tonne car can.

But even if it doesn’t, it’s an M5 Touring with 717bhp. It’s going to be fun to drive, even if you just point it at the horizon and squeeze the accelerator. It doesn’t matter that it’s a modicum less agile than a Lotus Elise. Besides, if you can afford the £112,500 asking price, you can afford a used Elise, too.

Rather than bitching and moaning, we should be thankful that we’re getting what is only the third BMW M5 Touring of the past four decades, and in an age when estate cars are not nearly as popular as they once were. This is a car that’s always been affectionately referred to as a luxury barge, so nothing has really changed.

After all, would you rather the G99 M5 Touring was an electric SUV? Didn’t think so.