How To Plan The Ultimate Road Trip

Road trips. We’ve seen them in movies, discussed with mates when and where we’re going to take that 'trip of a lifetime’, but how many of us have gone through with it?

Was it Uni that stopped you? Strapped for cash? Did you have a girlfriend at the time? If the answer is ‘yes’ to any of the above, then you need to man up!

Uni students have around two months of holidays during summer, an awesome 10-day road trip abroad with three mates will cost under £400 each, and you’re young, meaning that girls come and go like STDs. And because you’re young, she’s probably cheating on you anyway…Ouch.

A couple of years back, I too was at Uni, with little money and I too had a demanding girlfriend. Despite these set backs, however, two mates and I drove for thousands of miles through Europe, partying in every city, getting ‘acquainted’ with the locals and drinking and smoking things we’d later vow never to drink or smoke again.

Where do you start?

First off, you need a car or a van (we used both options in consecutive years). Because you’ll be covering mega miles, diesel is your friend so you can forget that Bentley. If you opt for an old banger (like a Peugeot 405 or a shabby van), why not bring some (used but clean) vegetable oil along, which you can use as free fuel? We did and saved around £100. Kerching!

From personal experience, I recommend the van option; you can sleep and chill out in a van, so let’s concentrate on that…

We paid just £150 for a ropey 1999 1.9D Renault Trafic, spent a further £75 on an MoT (bit of welding) and another £50 on materials to make a bed, line the floor and walls with carpet and add some curtains. Simples.

With the van prepped – a tip here: go for a small van with rear windows so it’s classed as a car (cheaper) on the ferry – you need lots of stuff. We brought a BBQ and gas burner, plenty of fresh water, sleeping bags, plastic plates, penknives, a plug-in mini fridge we found in a skip, basic tools, bungee ropes, toys (mountain boards/kites) as well as clothes, deck chairs and a hammock. Oh, and plenty of awesome music!

Plan your route

Something we didn’t do well, admittedly, but it will save you time and money. If you’re thinking about driving within Europe, make sure you’ve got all the relevant safety kit onboard, otherwise you’ll get pulled and fined.

If you’re going slightly further afield (Prague for example), you’ll also need local currency to bribe bent motorway cops; they’re arseholes and love to make life hell for ‘young punks’ like us. Give them the money, don’t piss ‘em off!

In terms of route planning, Europe is your oyster. Most people speak English and you won’t get shanked in an EU jail cell.

Our route included France, Holland, Germany, Czech Republic and Austria (2000 miles), which equates to an average of three hours driving a day and five tanks of diesel (approx. £375) overall. On top of that, factor in French toll roads (up to £100) or avoid them if you can. The French do.

Foreign etiquette

Forget it. You’re abroad in a Brit-plated van, so rack up as many parking tickets as you can, brush your teeth in the street, wash in fountains, flirt with girls way out of your league and drink whatever’s cheap and strong. We went to Amsterdam for our first stop. ‘Nuff said.

We’re all switched on here, so I won’t even mention drinking and driving...

Keep your shit safe

Lock your van inside and out, use a steering lock, disconnect the battery before you go out, park the van’s back doors right up against a wall, use chains, use locks, send Jesus a prayer.

Paranoid much? Hell no! Remember, this is your house now so take no chances. Hide important documents, (pharmaceuticals), passports etc where your twin brother wouldn’t even dare to look. Our van was excellent for this, thanks to a removable steering wheel cover and lots of make-shift cubbies in the chassis.

Make every moment count

You’re with your closest mates, you don’t really know what’s waiting for you in the next city and you’re cruising down a German motorway at 65mph. DJ Yoda is blasting through the one remaining speaker (you kicked the other one when you were drunk last night) and the day is turning to dusk.

These are the best moments of your life, so turn the music up, slow it down to 60mph and relish the moment. Feel free to have that cigarette, too…

And finally

Have a blast and remember, what happens in the van stays in the van!