Jeremy Clarkson's Day In 13 Funny Steps

1. Wake up and have a morning smoke

2. Take a shower like a man

3. Think about Piers Morgan, then tweet about him

What a monumental twat this man is. I cannot wait for the day he goes to prison. pic.twitter.com/d3mU6j0mdK

— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 27, 2013

4. Then think about Morgan a little more...

3. Drive to the studio

4. Arrive at the studio and greet May and Hammond

5. Prepare necessary tools for Top Gear challenge

6. Complain when May and Hammond ban him from the workshop

7. Ignore May and Hammond

8. Quickly tire of manual labour and stimulate the mind instead

9. Head to the studio and greet blonde, front-row audience members

10. Cue VT of fast driving...

11. ...which is quickly followed by the day's obligatory 'Loser' sign

12. End the show on a high

13. Think about something clever to tweet about Morgan in the morning