Land Rover Nerds Are Mourning The Death Of The Defender In A Nauseatingly Public Manner

It's a shame that such a stalwart of the British car scene has come to an end, but my Twitter feed has become a nauseating stream of sentimentality for a car that was outdated decades ago and should've been killed long before now

If you’ve spent any amount of time online today, you’ll be well aware that the last ever Defender just rolled off the production line at Land Rover’s Solihull plant. The venerable 4x4 has been around for 68 years, and in that time it’s barely changed at all; I kind of admire that commitment to such utilitarianism, but I find the outpouring of grief and emotional reminiscing currently drowning out everything else in my Twitter feed right now rather nauseating.

The main source of all this rose-tinted gushing is an event at Land Rover’s Solihull factory, where journalists and a bunch of other randoms who seem to care about the end of the Defender have gathered like extended family at a funeral seeing off their dearly departed despite not having acknowledged their existence for years.

It’s not very British, this. Too much pomp and circumstance for my liking. The whole point of the Defender is that it’s simple, British, and old-fashioned, and as such it should be seen off in a more dignified manner; a doff of the top hat and a subtle nod of appreciation rather than a huge crowd of teary-eyed enthusiasts gawping and fighting to point their mobile phones towards the box on wheels before them.

But it’s not just those at the event gushing about the Defender. No, all these photos from the factory seem to have spurred many others to share memories of that one time they got behind the wheel of a Defender and found it to be not that great to drive and terribly outdated but gosh, isn’t it great to drive something old-fashioned once in a while? Yeah, it is, but if you’re thinking that about a car when it’s still on sale there’s something wrong.

Because the problem with the Defender is that it should never really have gotten to this point. It’s a hopelessly outdated vehicle that should have been updated a long time ago - yes, utilitarianism is cool, but there comes a point where retro cool is overshadowed by it just being a bit crap. At least the G-Class manages to dodge this by becoming an icon of the wealthy elite. The Defender just grew old without a fight, falling foul to ever-changing industry regulations, while Land Rover did nothing to revitalise the model for a new era.

Look, I don’t want to have a dig at people who enjoy the Defender. It does nothing for me, but I get the appeal. It’s just, you know, it’s a vehicle. Maybe it’s just because I have an unnaturally rational mindset, but I don’t see the fuss about a car you like ceasing production. There will always be used examples, which now have a little added significance, and anyway, times change, which should be celebrated. Clinging onto the past is pointless. Embrace change. And please stop tweeting about the bloody Land Rover Defender!

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Comments

Conor Hughes

Anyone who calls the Land Rover Defender a ‘car’ doesn’t understand it

01/29/2016 - 15:21 |
55 | 2

It’s more than a “car”

01/29/2016 - 15:23 |
23 | 1

Its a machine.
A lifestyle.
And a tool for anything.
Its not only perfect for on and offroad but also good for the life after the atomic/Zombie Apocalypse.

01/29/2016 - 16:10 |
7 | 0

Damn true. Ours is a part of the family.

01/29/2016 - 21:37 |
0 | 0

Landys are love, Landys are life, Darren. Disrespect Landy = Landy will visit you at night.

01/29/2016 - 15:42 |
12 | 0

I was only 9 years old, I loved Land Rovers so much
I had a ‘69 Series IIA
I prayed to Landy every night, thanking him for the offroading I have been given
“Landy is love,” I said, “Landy is life.”
Darren Cassey hears me and calls me a f4ggot
I knew he was just jealous of my devotion to Landy

01/29/2016 - 16:09 |
5 | 0
Mr.Roberts

Quick someone kill the ///M performance brand, he’ll definitely understand it then.

01/29/2016 - 15:47 |
14 | 1

If it makes you happy I don’t like BMWs (I know, I’m in the minority over here!).

01/29/2016 - 16:35 |
10 | 6
AnotherBoringFabia

but the fact that it has barely changed over the years makes it even more sad. and landrover fans have been around the world for a very long time. but I do understand thet the whole spam thingy is very annoying XD

01/29/2016 - 16:02 |
6 | 0
Anonymous

Darren saying you don’t like the defender shows you shouldn’t be a car journalist.
Maybe you should try hair dressing.
You look like a Audi TT driver.

01/29/2016 - 16:06 |
20 | 5
James Vallance

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Oh snap

01/30/2016 - 03:11 |
0 | 0
Anonymous

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

‘Motoring journalist’ who doesn’t understand irrational emotional attachment to cars? Get a new job. And a polo.

01/30/2016 - 08:13 |
2 | 0
Antiprius

That ‘car’ is responsible for protecting you, your country, and everything you hold dear. Don’t knock it. You’d probably have written that article in German if not for the Defender.

01/29/2016 - 16:14 |
4 | 7

Yeah…we stopped using them a while ago. Versatile they may be, but they’re also bloody awful to drive.

01/29/2016 - 16:27 |
3 | 0

Erm, speaking German?? I think you might need to look up the start date for Land Rover production, and the end date for World War II…

01/29/2016 - 16:34 |
8 | 0
Anonymous

Time to make Richard Hammond climb up a dam with a Defender again.

01/29/2016 - 18:42 |
0 | 0
Freddie Skeates
01/29/2016 - 19:05 |
4 | 0
ElTamaleroDeSayula

Coming from a Mexican that was only 3 years old when the Volkswagen Beetle finished production in Puebla, this is a similar situation, many people here miss the Beetle because it was the perfect car for the country, it was durable, cheap, really easy to repair and it was a quality vehicle that was expected to last a long time. The Defender is really related to that concept (I’m not really sure about reliability or cheapness) and same as the Beetle it has a cult following because the cars represent a lot of things both for the people and the country and a lot of people are sad because of it’s departure and I’m one of them. I know that those vehicles are anticuated for the times we live now, everything has to serve multiple purposes like luxury SUV’s or Sport Sedans. In the past we know that everything had an especific purpose and this Land Rover is especifically an off-roader, no luxuries, no comfortable suspension, no quick steering, nothing of that nature, that’s why I admire these kind of vehicles. I’m not a fan of luxury, I’ve grown around simple economy cars (by the exception of my dad’s Grand Cherokee) like my Ford Ka that has been in the family since it was brand new and it has and will serve his purpose of being an honest (and a little bit crappy) economy car.

Damn I also have an inner Lee Iacocca.

01/29/2016 - 19:49 |
1 | 0

My father had a 90 (precursor to the Defender name) which he has now given to me, and neither of us have ever had any reliability problems at all. It really baffles me to where this Land-Rovers have poor reliability myth comes from!

01/29/2016 - 19:51 |
0 | 0
Anonymous

Lets hope the new model carries on the legacy…

01/29/2016 - 20:27 |
0 | 0