For Mod’s Sake: How To Mod Like A Boss

Who would you rather wake up next to? – Amber Heard, or that girl in your Thursday morning lecture who kind of looks like Amber if you close one of your eyes…and then close the other one?

We’ve already established just how wrong replicas really are with this bodged Astoyota Martin, but what about everyday modding though? Young Mr Kew might argue that mods have no place on his Puma but the right mods on the right car are sh*t hot. And no, I’m not talking tinted windows, stupid neons, 18-inch rims and slammed suspension on a 1.1 Saxo. Or this pathetic 73bhp attempt at a Fiesta “ST lookalike”.

What I’m talking about is stuff that actually makes your ride more exciting to drive, not pointless bling that just ramps up your insurance bills, or heavy crap which makes your car slower than before as JC and co discovered when they first turned their tools (oi, no sniggering) on this virginal Avantime:

So what decent mods are there? Well, if your ride is very well endowed in the alloy stakes like the Leo ST-mobile, fitting smaller alloys (yes smaller, bear with me) can make a hell of a difference. The hefty 17-inch wheelarch-filling ST dumbbells not only weigh as much as Beth Ditto, denting performance and economy, but with just a tiny smear of rubber separating them from the road, they give your arse a pretty serious pummeling over rough roads too. And no one wants that…well 6 per cent of guys do, but that still leaves 94 per cent who don’t.

If you can’t handle the thought of bolting smaller alloys onto your ride though, any lightweight alloys will make your engine equally happy. And wrapping those in decent tyres will give you tons of grip and traction and stop you from crashing into everything. Which is handy.

Just to prove I’m not talking bollocks, I’m seriously thinking about picking up some slick but cheap 15-inch Fiesta alloys for my ST from a scrapyard for more acceleration, more responsive steering plus more economy thanks to the weight reduction. Less really is more.

But what about power I hear you scream? Well my ST has more than enough beef under the bonnet, but it’s easy enough to squeeze some more horses out. Chuck a decent induction kit on and you can liberate 11 more ponies and a sub £200 remap will corral another 10 horses from the 2.0-litre motor. Pretty cheap power in car terms.

And if you’re itching for Clio 182 baiting performance, you can always get yourself a decent cat back exhaust for a further 10bhp to take the total to around 180bhp plus some snarly sound effects. Perfect. You get a big dose of extra speed and sound effects all without completely melting your credit card. Fifth Gear have got the right idea with this classic Golf GTi.

But there are many hardened moddists who aren’t satisfied unless they at least double a car’s standard power and are happy to pour bucket loads of cash into their ride to get it. Like the madmen at ACR Composites who have squeezed out 330bhp from a little Fiesta. And props to them. They’ve created a pretty sick whip – albeit a very green, tyre vaporising one.

But I’m sorry, £2000 for a fitted bodykit, £1000 for a paintjob and £1500 for alloys and tyres, before you even get to the engine stuff is just plain mental. Modding has its place. But it also has its limits and spending that much money on what is, at the end of the day, a cheap car, properly crosses the line.

Let us know how much modding is enough for you in the comments...