RANT: Not Everything Has To Be About F1, Ferrari

It's easy to knock Ferrari. Chris Harris did with his explosive 'How Ferrari Spins' exposé and is still banned from the Maranello dinner table. Their merchandise is tasteless and many of their customers are nouveau riche, self-indulgent fools blissfully ignorant of what they're driving.

Still, I like 'em. Despite the fact I'd take a 12C over a 458, and an R8 over a California. Ferrari is still THE car brand, THE race team. But I'm still going to rant. About how every little damn thing is tenuously linked to F1.

It's not the usual Clarksonisms about the 458's non-circular, button-covered wheel, plastered with controls and lights in an effort to replicate Alonso's company car. I could learn to live with it. I'd quite like to, in fact. Give us a shout, Luca mate.

Much more irritating is the F12's rear. Not the fact it looks like a thong either...

...but that stupid iPhone stuck to the bumper.

Naturally, it's an F1 thang. It's the third rear brake light, modelled on an F1 car's rain light. And it's not cool, or clever. It's F1 bollocks to woo tasteless bankers who are looking to blow their, er, bonus over a Ferrari.

But the worst? The cardinal sin is Ferrari's cruise control. They call it: pit speed.

Yeah, because that's got loads to do with F1. Felipe and Fernando set their pit limiter when they charge in for a tyre change because they fancy a rest and because they're too lazy to modulate their own throttle pedal, right? Wrong. It's cruise control on a road car, boys. Grow up.

I don't mind the splitters and spoilers, the paddleshifters and ceramic brakes. They're complicated and pricey, sure, but they serve a purpose. Those components improve performance, which is what any Ferrari should have at its core, whether it's a lightweight 250 GTO or 900bhp V12+KERS F150.

Back in 1984, the best-looking car ever came along: the Ferrari 288 GTO. Not a morsel of F1 marketing bollocks was to be found anywhere near it, and it did the GTO no harm at all. Rant over.