Tesla’s Brief And Bizarre Nurburgring Stint Proves Absolutely Nothing

With Tesla’s plans to set a new production EV lap record around the Green Hell left drowning in caveats, we reflect on what the manoeuvre actually achieved
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Tesla is a company built on the bluff and bluster of one very clever engineer. Elon Musk had a feeling he could make an electric car that was light years ahead of anything else out there. He (eventually) made it work well (enough) and sold the idea to a hardcore fanbase of people who have come to regard Musk in the same way as the ancient Egyptians felt about men with long plaited beards and very tall hats. He’s like a god to them.

That means his words are gospel to some folk. They treat them like pure whispers of heaven dispensed through the intertubes right to their very own screens at home, or at work, or at the kind of hipster cafe that serves organic vegan frappa-mappa-whappa-mochaccinos for $10 a cup. In the eyes and hearts of the Teslarati, he can literally do no wrong.

Of course, that leads to instances where Tesla and/or Musk says or does something that the rest of us think is a bit strange, lacking in substance or just plain silly, and while the gasping Tesla forums go dizzy with delight, the rest of us sit there and ponder what the hell we’re missing.

This week’s Nurburgring debacle is a prime example. Out comes the Porsche Taycan to set a quick lap time in production spec. It duly does so, and we’re impressed. Tesla then jumps in out of nowhere and says it’s going to beat it, delivering a very un-production-spec Model S to the track and pumping it around so hard that it broke. Amusingly, a sedately-piloted Taycan was seen to overtake the fainted Model S as a recovery truck began its work.

Anyway, the point is this: Tesla said it was going to beat the Taycan around the track. Technically, and certainly, in the eyes of the faithful, it did. But to achieve it the playing field was wildly distorted. Take the Goodyear F1 Supercar 3R track day tyres, worth plenty of seconds on their own. Then there’s the fact that these are wider tyres than the current Model S standard, under wider arches with a wider track. There are another few seconds for you over and above the standard Model S’ s capability.

Then there’s the fact that the car in question was apparently totally stripped out and was running a prototype three-motor setup – one motor more than the Taycan – on the way to posting a time almost 20 seconds faster than the Taycan’s. Because of all this smoke and mirrors about the exact spec, and the fact that little of it may actually see service on a road-going version, you can’t possibly compare the two times.

That said, all that posturing will be enough for those people who say a prayer to Elon over their breakfasts. The unrepresentative lap time, the dubious spec enhancements and the claims that the circa 7m20s lap time is ‘just a start’ will be enough to have Muskovites frothing at the eyeballs and hammering their keyboards hard enough to break Twitter.

The Plaid Mode three-motor powertrain will also feature in the Tesla Roadster
The Plaid Mode three-motor powertrain will also feature in the Tesla…

And yet. Those of us not possessed of the demonic Elon-obsession know that pretty much nothing of public value has been achieved. No points have been scored and no victories have been recorded, moral or otherwise. Tesla simply turned up with a heavily modified product that then went faster than a totally street-standard rival. That’s about as notable as news that a dog has attempted to hump a stranger’s leg, whatever the company says about posting a 7m05s lap next time.

Look beneath the skin, though; beneath the pointless Twitter nonsense from handles like TeslaLover, ElonFan and MarryMeMusk. What you’ll see is a company being led the way it always has been; by bluff and bluster. Shout your opinion loudly enough for long enough to the right people and eventually, it becomes fact. Just take a glance at Western politics for proof. With this non-event at the ‘Ring Tesla has bought itself vast amounts of column inches, and just maybe some more investment into its latest and fastest projects. Perhaps that was the point we were missing.

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Comments

Monty4248

I can’t fathom the amount of bs a development car on the Nürburgring has caused. The times aren’t official because of the industry testing rules, the car’s obviously going to get modifications from the factory because that’s what every manufacture does for their top dog performance models, especially on a car from what, 2012? All this bickering, and not just from CT, from most car outlets and comment sections, it’s just pointless. It’s like we’ve forgotten what industry testing is. And that manufactures try and use it to generate some hype around whatever product they’re developing. Let engineers do their work. The car’s still in development. What do we have to complain about? As far as we know, by the next testing session, the car can look radically different. The model S wasn’t meant to be used for lap times, obviously it will need to be upgraded to last on track. It’s gone the Jaguar Project 8 route. Obviously the lap times won’t mean jack shit if the modifications done to the car don’t make it to production. But the car hasn’t even posted lap times yet! It’s still in development. This shouldn’t be an issue.

09/21/2019 - 16:27 |
3 | 3

Good lord this comment section is such bs. CT has gone so far down the toilet. I’m glad this website has died to the extent it has.

09/21/2019 - 16:34 |
4 | 4
Anonymous

People are talking about it, so it means something. Period.
This site took the time to write and article about it.
Elon Musk is not fool, though the majority of of auto publications seem intent on convincing us that he is. If that what a fool is, then i pray one day i’m lucky enough to be a fool.

09/21/2019 - 17:40 |
6 | 1
Conductor99

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

First of all, learn how to type proper grammatically correct sentences because I could barely read your comment. Secondly, this site took the time to write an article to criticize Elon, not praise him, and that isn’t the attention he wants. Thirdly, Elon is praised for creating Tesla even though he didn’t and most of his ideas (much like the Tesla semi) are never going to work or are simply idiotic. Finally, Elon is what you call a “fool” due to the amount of money and time that he spends on things that will never benefit him nor his company, and your writing of this article makes you a fool too.

09/24/2019 - 13:12 |
0 | 1
Anonymous

H

09/22/2019 - 05:02 |
1 | 0
TheCarLovingSwede

Tesla went there with a pre-production model for the Model S Plaid, and apparently beat Porsche. Why are people complaining?

When Bugatti beat Koenigsegg with a pre-production Chiron SuperSport all of the articles barely mentioned the fact that it’s not a world record.

This is sich an unprofessional article from car throttle, that makes you seem like hurt Porsche fanboys…
Isn’t Car Throttle supposed to be a site for car persons? I hope that it’s just Matt, the author of this article who had a bad day. Very unprofessional of him… 😕

09/22/2019 - 05:08 |
0 | 4
Anonymous

Yes, we get it you guys don’t like Tesla.

09/22/2019 - 07:20 |
0 | 4
Anonymous

One more hate article. Guys, why so hate? They come there first time, to test and to try, and not posted any public time. Leave them to develop a new generation of the car and maybe they will do public laptime in according to “rules” (which do not exist in reality, only on paper).

09/22/2019 - 11:47 |
2 | 0
Anonymous

This sounds like so much whining. It means nothing that Tesla pushes a 7 seater sedan around the ring faster than a Porsche that costs significantly more money. What kind of a car publication are you?

09/22/2019 - 16:31 |
6 | 3
Anonymous

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

It didnt have 7 seats tho

09/23/2019 - 05:46 |
1 | 0
DeLeon

Wow. Did you even do some research? That was a pre production 2020 Model S. Just like the Taycan that set the lap time was pre production.
It’s just mad how people can’t stop talking shit about Tesla just to talk shit about Tesla.
If Porsche uses dry ice in their GT2RS to set a lap time nobody cares. Although dry ice is nowhere to be found in the production car…

09/23/2019 - 05:44 |
3 | 2
Anonymous

In reply to by DeLeon

Dry ice? You have me intrigued.. I’ve Googled, but couldn’t find a notable reference. Could you explain?

09/23/2019 - 08:29 |
1 | 0
Anonymous

In reply to by DeLeon

01/19/2020 - 06:44 |
0 | 0