Top 10 New Car Press Releases That Are Just Plain Stupid

When new cars are launched, press releases will come with them. These press releases often form the basis of the news stories you read. They contain all the information the company wants the public to know about the car, but this is often packaged in paragraph after paragraph of complete bunkum.

Us writers often have the arduous task of wading through the aforementioned river of...you know what...in order to extract the interesting stuff. On some occasions, the dross that the PR folk have written in order to bolster their word count is quite simply laughable.

To show you what drivel we have to contend with every day, here's our top ten list of favourite PR lines from press releases over the past year.

1. Kia CUB

Kia revealed a four-door coupe concept in March 2013 called the CUB. Kia is obviously aiming its car at the young female market, saying that “CUB is both sleek and small, with a super-smooth exterior, a cheerful face and a daring character.” Sounds a bit like a shaven Meerkat to us...

2. Mercedes A45 AMG

Press releases are renowned for going into vast detail, but this one really takes the biscuit. When describing the options available on its A45 AMG, Mercedes said that the car could be bought with “wheel bolt covers in black with hub caps in central-locking look.” Pardon?

3. Jaguar XF Sportbrake

In December last year, Jaguar said it was going to help injured servicemen by returning them home in a fleet of XF Sportbrakes. A nice gesture for sure, but it became a shameless plug when they stated that “a full five-seater with rear air suspension and an additional 48mm of rear headroom, the XF Sportbrake ensures passengers enjoy interior luxury and, with a load-space capacity of up to 1,675 litres, it can easily accommodate all their families’ Christmas presents and more.”

4. Mazda 3 & 5 Venture Eds

Mazda obviously had a case of mistaken identity when it produced the press release for its 3 and 5 Venture Editions. The firm stated that the cars used “Japanese-style build quality.” Where exactly are you from then Mazda?

5. Rolls-Royce Wraith

Rolls Royce is a company which prides itself on quality and is particularly self-indulgent when describing the latest model, the Wraith. “When Wraith is present, for that fleeting moment, the world will stand still.” That moment might not be quite as fleeting as you’d expect though, as Rolls says that the Wraith comes with trademark “waftability.”

6. Hyundai HND-9 concept

Paintwork and colour is always an opportunity for car companies to talk nonsense and it seems that every one has its own version of black. When Hyundai revealed information about its HND-9 concept, it said the paintwork will be a “softly glistening silver coating.”

7. Alfa Romeo 4C

No one can deny that the Alfa Romeo 4C is a pretty thing, but ultimately, it’s a machine, not a human being. Try telling that to Alfa though, because the Italian marque says the rear end of the car is “sinuous and enveloping” and “embraces the beating heart of the car.” The human attributes continue; “All this, thanks to the development of marked musculature above the wheels, lends strength and power to the rear end.” Dear oh dear...

8. Bentley Flying Spur

Ever fancied taking a ride in the back of a Bentley Flying Spur? No, nor us. But if you did, you can be sure that you wouldn’t overheat. “The heating and ventilation system is improved with the addition of a new Thermostatic Expansion Valve which drastically decreases the time taken to cool the cabin. An optional Climate Boost function features an enhanced blower system for improved cooling of the rear cabin.” So it has air-con then.

9. Peugeot 208 GTi

This line from Peugeot about its 208 GTi is just classic PR crud. “Particularly eye catching and visible both by day and night, the light signature of the front face is refined by new halogen headlamps, equipped with a latest generation light guide. These lamps frame a special 208 grille and on the GTi the mesh contributes to the dynamism, making the lamps stand out. The gloss black grille draws the eye with bright chrome inserts, which reinvent the sport chequered flag effect, but in 3D.”

10. Lambo Aventador Roadster

And here’s our favourite, courtesy of Lamborghini. The supercar maker clearly lets its PR folk read too much science fiction in their spare time. Here’s what they wrote about the Aventador Roadster. “The engine hood on the Roadster differs from the hood on the coupé because of its central ‘spinal column’ with two pairs of hexagonal windows connected at the sides as if they were hyper-tech armour plates.” Anyone know what the hell they're on about?

This post was written by freelance motoring journalist Sam Hanson