Volkswagen Cross Up - The Ultimate Urban Survival Tool?

What, no drifting hoon-mobile? My petrolhead brain interprets the words 'crossed up' as a metaphor for oversteer, skidding around, with your arms crossed on the steering wheel. VW releases a car called the Cross Up and it's not the drift version? What gives? I was hoping for a special edition, before the Yorkshire only electric-powered model (E-Up) and the African-American Budweiser Edition (Wasssss-Up).

Yet you know what, VW might be onto something with the chunky Cross Up. This is basically an ultra-tiny Audi Alllroad. No four-wheel drive, I grant you, but VW's genius city car has been treated to plastic bumper cladding, a raised ride height, taller tyres and butch alloy wheels. Door protector strips and roof rails complete the 'I'm tiny and mean business like Jackie Chan in overalls' makeover.

So, the Cross Up isn't going to take you green-laneing (or drifting, boo) but it could be the perfect city car. It's tiny, it's covered in plastic body armour to protect you from terrible parking and kamikaze cyclists, and you've got that raised ride height to see you over speed bumps, through potholes and, of course, look down on regular Up owners with a sneer.

Getting you away from city traffic is the hottest Up engine you can get right now: a 73bhp petrol three-cylinder hooked up to a slick-shifting five-speed manual. It's still no mini-GTI: 13.2sec to 62mph is downright slow, but 60.1mpg and Group 2 insurance are downright excellent.

You get a decent city-clicker spec too. Remote locking, electric windows and folding heated door mirrors are all standard, as are folding seats and foglights. The Up's got a great cabin anyway: it's funky and fresh but feels way more premium than a Twingo or Aygo. Thank German-grade plastics for that bombproof feel.

In the past 300 words, one has been missing: 'but'. Here it comes! BUT... VW hasn't decided whether or not to sell the Cross Up in the UK. It'll reach German showrooms in late summer and cost €13,295 (around £11.5k) but what about London, VW?

Hit up the comments to campaign for the Cross Up's right to come UK-side.