Why The Figaro Is The Most Hateful Car Ever!

‘Back to the future’. This is the slogan Nissan went with when it launched the Figaro way back in 1989. Since that time, the Figaro’s been 'embraced' by unwitting UK buyers looking for for a cutesy, retro alternative to the establishment.

That’s why – if you take a ganders in the small ads – you’ll need at least £4000 for one of these gremlins. If you’re after a proper ‘minter’ with low miles, however, you’re looking at closer to £10,000!

"Why do people insist on buying this over, say, a Mazda MX-5?"

Unless I’m missing the point here, that’s a shit-load lot of money to spend on a 22-year-old car that looks like a toppled SMEG fridge, features no airbags, and that's powered by a 987cc turbocharged go-kart engine. Oh, and it’s only available with a three-speed auto ‘box. Even better…

Okay, so it benefits from Nissan reliability and is a convertible, but why do people insist on buying this over, say, a Mazda MX-5? Even the Daihatsu Copen is a better shout than the Figaro; it’s far newer, safer, comes with a clever folding roof and, while still ugly, is less offensive aesthetically than the Nissan.

Then there are the people who drive these things. They’re known as the Ditherers, but they also fit into the Variators and Hangers categories too, which makes me nervous. Vanessa, I’m looking at you here…

While I could easily diss the Figaro until I’m blue in the face, I don't think I need to convince you further that it's the most hateful car ever produced. And let's face it, people, there are far better ways to spend £10k.