Top 10 Meanest, Baddest, Most Extreme SUVs

20 Nov 2017

SUVs aim to be everything for everyone. Good looks, great practicality, go anywhere, and as of lately, fast and luxurious as well.

It’s no wonder that demand for them is sky rocketing, and almost every car maker has jumped onto that band wagon; even some extreme ones that never made anything like an SUV. So this should be interesting.

Welcome to TopCars TV as we go down the list of the Top 10 Extreme SUVs.

No 10 - Porsche Cayenne Turbo

It was never really a looker, but it was a Porsche for sure. Meaning: FAST! Even off the road. And unlike other tall riding cars, it didn’t wobble like a supermodel in ten-inch heels. 

Combine that with a luxurious interior, great practicality, German build quality, a prestigious badge, and you get hordes of middle aged men and their trophy, soccer mom, wives flocking down to Porsche showrooms just to buy one. Cayenne started a trend of super-fast, prestigious SUVs and it’s still the King of the Hill.

No 9 - Jeep Cherokee Trackhawk

When Dodge put their Hellcat V8 engine into Challenger, they made the most powerful muscle car. Same engine made Charger the most powerful 4-door saloon. Guess what Jeep Cherokee with that Hellcat engine is? Yes, the most powerful SUV in the World.

But it’s not just the engine because it has a full set of track ready upgrades as well. Weirdly, 707hp didn’t make it the fastest or the quickest one on our list, just barely. But it did make it sound like Beelzebub clearing his throat.

Becker Escalade ESV

In America, bigger is always better, which is why it’s perfectly sane to stretch out that Cadillac Escalade ESV – a car for 8 people!

Becker did the job, and not so that the whole Mormon family could travel by one car, but so that four corporate board members could relax and do their business on the road, cocooned in maximum luxury. In the back, it’s got 4 massaging seats facing each other, tables, minibars, TVs, keyboards, wood, leather… Simply put, it’s a Private Jet for the Road.

Hummer H1 Alpha

It’s based on an army Humvee, with some luxuries thrown in, just to make it easier to live with. So you still get the reinforced military chassis, 16in ground clearance, and helicopter hooks sticking out of the hood - convenient for those landing zones in front of your local gym. That might be a preferable way of getting around since the H1 weighs as much as a bunker, and it’s only slightly faster than cycling.

However, if there are boulders, rivers, and petrol stations on your trail to the gym, this Hummer WILL do the job.

Tesla Model X

A car from the future certainly looks different. It has all the cool details like falcon doors, 22in wheels, hidden door handles… but overall, it’s shaped like a croissant.

The weirdness doesn’t stop there because it can also drive itself, it’s battery powered, and is driven by electric motors that make no noise. But there is a caveat to that. It does 0 to 60 in 2.8 seconds! Over a quarter mile, it beats the Aventador! It’s the quickest SUV in the world!

OK, future looks better now.

Lamborghini LM002

This Rambo Lambo was a failed military contract by Chrysler, later simply offered to the public as a Lamborghini. Classic silly Lambo move.

However, under that ugly bulging body lies a V12 from Countach, which makes this one very special SUV. But, because of that huge engine and tires, there is little room left for the cabin. They had to reshuffle all the elements around that cramped interior, and now, nothing is where you expect it to be.

But that’s the thing. All Lambos are hard to live with, why should this one be any different?

No 4 - Bentley Bentayga

Bentley was always one unruly aristocrat. Luxurious, but without a measure, which in the case of Bentayga means: ugliest and the fastest. That’s not a bad combination because it’s hard to notice those bad looks when it’s blowing past you at a 187mph. That’s even more impressive knowing that this SUV is hauling more than 3 tons of luxury around and can still outperform the Corvette.

That kind of physics bending power and luxury doesn’t come cheap, even before you pick the optional 160.000 dollar dash clock. WHAT?!!

Bowler EXR S

Bowler EXR is a 300hp, indestructible endurance machine, custom built for the toughest race in the World: Paris-Dakar Rally. The EXR S version has more power and number plates.

You can still find the tubular frame chassis, roll cage, 282mm travel suspension, and the three point harnesses. It’s really an off-road supercar, but since it started off as a Range Rover, it’s on our list. So I guess, if your work office is located at the bottom of a mine pit, EXR S would be the fastest way to get to work.

Dartz Prombron

It’s the most ridiculous car ever made, bought by the most tasteless people in the world – think Russian Oligarchs or African Dictators. Over the top design, armor plating, gold plating, interior covered in alligator skin, diamonds, or circumcised whale WAIT WHAT?! Whale. Penis. Skin.

You can act as cool as you want while driving one, but there is no getting away from the fact that each time you do, you’ll be sitting on a giant d**k, while holding a foreskin steering wheel with both your hands. Congratulations, you win.

Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6X6

Well, it has 6 wheel drive, 530hp V8, luxurious interior, the tallest ground clearance of any SUV thanks to portal axles, and in armor plated variation it costs 1.3 million dollars. Should I really say more?