5 Idiotic Mistakes People Make When Trying To Sell A Car Online

Okay CTzens, I have something to get off my chest. And I’m not going to be kind about this either, because it goes way beyond the normal pet peeve for me. I say this because, if any of you are guilty of the things I’m about to describe, you should unplug from the internet and proceed to bury your face in a big yellow book called Selling For Dummies.

You see, the internet might be the single greatest invention since the wheel, but it’s empowered us to do all kinds of things we know nothing about. There’s nobility in the effort, but just like the wheel proved some people should stick to walking, the internet has proven some people should stick to letting other people sell their cars.

Every single day I see at least a dozen pathetic, facepalm-worthy attempts to sell cars. These terrible advert fails officially outnumber the “I told him it was me or the car” memes by like 188 to one. So if you’re guilty of any of the following car selling sins, go buy the book. Read the book. Then come back here and re-read this article. Not only will you have earned the respect of your fellow car brethren, you’ll also earn significantly more money on your sale.

Here are five idiotic mistakes you’ll see all too often in the classifieds…

1. Taking terrible pictures

I can’t believe I even need to mention this, yet I see it time and again. If you’re trying to sell a car online, show buyers what it freaking looks like. If you don’t know what makes a good picture, call that one friend who’s always taking photos of everything and let him or her help out. You don’t need hundreds of shots showing every possible angle, but get a couple from each side, front and back, the interior, and the engine.

If you don’t have any friends, here’s a quick photo-taking lesson. Always take pictures with the light behind you. Yes, that could mean you have to move the car to get all angles with light behind you. For interior pictures, it might help to have some extra light inside to actually show some detail instead of glare and shadows. Grab the hand-held shop light you use to change the oil - that’s all you need. Make sure the whole car is actually in the picture; stand close enough to show some detail but don’t stand a block away so the car looks like a tiny spec. Take your time to get these pictures right, because they are the first impression potential buyers will have of your car.

2. Taking pictures at night

Yeah, I could’ve easily mentioned this above, but this dumbassery is so epic that it deserves its own special talking point. Don’t. Take. Pictures. At. Night. Remember what I just said about keeping the light behind you? There is no light at night; that’s what makes it night. Street lights won’t illuminate your car properly, and your flash bulb doesn’t count either. Both will create bright spots on the car while other parts are still completely in shadow.

Whenever I see a car advertised with photos taken at night I think one of three things. Firstly, the seller is so desperate to get rid of the car they couldn’t wait a few hours to take proper pictures in daylight. Secondly, I believe the seller is trying to hide damage or a terrible paint job in the hopes of getting people to see it in person. Finally, I think the seller is too lazy to invest even the simplest effort in presenting their car, which again, makes me wonder what else the seller is too lazy to do. In the end it doesn’t matter, because they’re all instant deal breakers.

3. Not mentioning maintenance

Nobody wants to buy a crap car, so if you’ve done some maintenance or have maintenance records, say so. You don’t necessarily need to list every single detail, but for crying out loud, maintenance is the first things buyers want to know about. If you can say right off the bat that the car has been well maintained and back it up with even just a few specifics, you are going to get way more attention than just listing all the mods and telling people how fast it is. I’ll never understand how a seller can spend a paragraph talking about ride and handling, yet somehow think the new timing belt or water pump aren’t worth mentioning.

More importantly, you’re going to get attention from serious buyers when you mention maintenance items, and those are the people you want calling or emailing about the car. There’s certainly nothing wrong with listing modifications, but list maintenance items first. That way, when buyers see maintenance before mods, it gives the impression (and rightfully so) that maintenance is more important. Serious buyers like that, and it will absolutely help sell the car.

4. Claiming something's an 'easy fix'

Every time someone mentions “easy fix” in an ad I get the urge to find their house and launch tomatoes at the car in question with a water balloon slingshot. Cleaning up high-speed tomato debris is an easy fix; claiming that low compression in the number four cylinder is an easy fix is insulting. Or my favourite: ‘yeah the radiator has a leak but it’s not a problem. Just top off the coolant every week and it’s fine’.

Here’s my beef with the easy fix: nine times out of 10 the seller tried to mend this ‘easy fix’ and discovered it wasn’t so easy. Maybe the problem was more in-depth, or perhaps time and the elements made what should’ve been an easy fix quite difficult. As for the 10th time - why not just fix the easy fix? Not doing so says you’re lazy and not that interested in keeping the car maintained.

5. "I know it's 99 per cent aftermarket, but it's never been abused..."

I’m speaking here of the complete and total lie that someone would invest an absurd amount of money to make a car go fast, then never actually go fast with it. If you feel the need to tell the world how you were a perfect angel with this car, then you were probably just the opposite. Spare us all the condescending double-talk - if you built a kick-ass race car then never raced it, turn in your driver’s license and ride the bus. You don’t deserve to drive.

Now, I know there can be some legitimate people out there who have built some seriously fast rides, maybe went for a joyride or two and decided for whatever reason that you didn’t want it. That’s fine, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t at least exercised. Just say it like it is. That’s how real enthusiasts talk, and as a buyer, I’m very happy to buy from another enthusiast. I won’t, however, give the time of day to a self-righteous idiot who claims to have babied a highly modified machine that he’ll only sell to ‘serious shoppers’ who won’t waste his time. Guess what pal? If I’m not worth your time, then your car isn’t worth my cash.