After Spending Thousands On Research, Clarkson Is Still Struggling To Name His New Show

It’s been nine months since Clarkson and co signed a deal with Amazon Prime, and they’re still no closer to coming up with a name for their new show. According to Clarkson, the team has spent thousands of pounds on research, only to have their suggestions ruled out by trademark lawyers.

Writing in his column for the Sunday Times, he said:

“I spend at least six hours a day in my office - which is insured and smoke-free and resplendent with potted plants - sucking creatively on a corporate Biro as I wait for the daily 3pm ‘Anything yet?’ phone call from Amazon in Los Angeles.

Every morning, I’d make a £7000 call to the lawyer with an idea, and every afternoon I’d get a £7000 reply saying the name was already in use by someone in New Zealand or France or Ukraine. Prime Torque. Autonation. Skid Mark. Everything was a no-no.”

A number of potential names have been devised by the trio with varying degrees of seriousness, including Auto-mates, Small Puddle of Excellence and Tripod. For a while we were pretty sure that Gear Knobs would be given the go ahead, after discovering that it was trademark registered by Clarkson’s law firm late last year. Unfortunately, it turns out that the situation is a little trickier than it first appeared:

“We thought it [Gear Knobs] was amusing and hurriedly we put in another £7,000 call to the lawyer. She said the trademark was available, but it would be an unwise idea, owing to the laws surrounding intellectual property.

In short, the BBC not only owns the rights to the Stig and the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car and the Cool Wall, but also to any name that is remotely similar to Top Gear.

We tried explaining there’s a show called Fifth Gear that doesn’t belong to the BBC but it was no good. Arguing with a lawyer costs more money than we had, so we hurriedly put the phone down and went back to the drawing board.

We need a name that isn’t in use by any business anywhere in the world and doesn’t even sound or look like any name that’s in use by any business anywhere in the world.

And it can’t even be a minor play on the words Top or Gear. Oh, and it had to be a name that was liked by me, our producer, Hammond, Eeyore and a billionaire in Seattle.”

Sounds like a tricky situation, but perhaps we could help? What do you think the new show should be called? Let us know in the comments below.