Everything You Need To Know About Donks

Admit it, you thought a donk was some new-fangled term 'Merica had coined for a crazy sexual position you probably didn't want hear about. But it isn't.

It is, however, a colloquial term used to describe a lady with an exceptionally large bum (i.e. "damn girl, 'dat donk"), but to investigate such subject matter further would destroy your trust in us as a respected motoring authority. I jest, of course.

No, a donk in the motoring world is what you see in the image above. Put simply, a donk is any car (traditionally a 1970's American cruiser) jacked up to the nines on skyscraping suspension and a huge set of rims, measuring around 30-inches in diameter, sometimes more. Naturally, these wheels are shod in the thinnest rubber available for added wow-factor.

The phrase donk (and indeed the practice of 'donking') originates from South America and the Chevrolet Impala, the symbol of which inspired the name 'donk'.

So what's all the fuss about?

Donks are catastrophically ugly. To say otherwise would make you inhuman. Luckily, donks aren't designed to be pretty, but are intended to be shocking, customisable and show-stopping in equal measure. Job done.

Nowadays, donks often feature extreme hydraulic suspension, massive sound systems and unique interiors. American celebrities (no, not your Justin Biebers and Jerry Springers of this world) have also embraced donks, which makes these motors super cool. Apparently.

If you're into American motors and fancy donking your ride, there are simple online tutorials on how to do so. All you need is a massive set of rims, some suspension know-how and skin the thickness of an elephant's. Ride around London in one of these and you will get dominated by the police and middle-class white people. Just imagine if those millionaire boy racers had donks. The outcry would be hilarious...

Then all you need is to paint your donk like no other and trim the interior to your taste. And hey presto, you're now a massive donker. Congratulations and be sure to stay out my way.