Top 10 Car Wash Fails

Now we’re rapidly plunging into the depths of winter, our roads are covered in grime and grit (all conveniently dumped in foot-long mounds at 50 metre intervals of course) and our cars are getting filthy. Not the good kind of filthy either.

And rolling out of your scintillating 3pm “What was the 'New Woman' and what role did she play in Weimar Germany?” lecture into darkness you really don’t want to be fishing out a sponge to clean your pride and joy by streetlight. So take our advice and get down to the car wash pronto. Based on some of the footage below, you might want to take a camera though. And some body armour. And maybe someone else’s car too, thinking about it…

10. Ninja Style

OK, this really is a win, but we couldn’t not share this happy car wash dude’s funky moves with you. Working at a car wash is one of those jobs whiney parents say you’ll be stuck in forever if you don’t work hard at school. This guy really seems to be enjoying life though. Car wash ninja, we salute you.

9. Attack of the hose

Sometimes car washes get angry and lash out. And when douchebag number one in this vid relaxes his grip this car wash sees its chance for revenge. And boy did it succeed. Car wash 1. Douchebags 0.

8. Set fire to the rain

Car washes are wet. This makes it damn hard to set fire to them…or so we thought. Resident TG clowns Clarkson, May and Hammond however proved us wrong with their DIY-vertible (skip to 7:45 in the vid for car wash chaos). Good work lads.

7. OCD grandpa

It’s hard when you get old. You forget where you put the car keys, which side of the road to drive on and obviously that it isn’t a good idea to pressure wash the inside of your ancient Cold War era motor. But by that stage you’re probably used to sitting in seats you’ve got wet yourself, so why not roll with it?

6. Fat guy owned by car wash

The clue’s in the name, car washes are for cars not people. After a pummelling from this car wash, we don’t think fatty will be going through the car wash sans car again anytime soon.

5. So many pedals!

Driving in automatic-obsessed America is tough. You have to remember which pedal is the brake AND which one is the accelerator. It’s amazing that anyone as young as 14 in some states could be trusted with being able to differentiate between these TWO pedals. It’s obviously too much to ask from this moron.

4. Doorless dimwit

Even a three-year-old understands that you’re not supposed to get out of your car when you’re in a car wash. This guy doesn’t though and has to buy himself a new door as a result. Well done stoopid.

3. Under pressure

For this recipe you need one new Mercedes CLS350 CDI and one pressure washer. Open all doors and switch pressure washer on. Proceed to pressure wash the hell out of your expensive alloys, doors, leather seats, steering wheel and dashboard. Congratulations. You are now officially a grade A n00b.

2. £7k car wash

Now I’m sure car wash guru Gurcharn Sahota would argue that we’re being harsh branding his extreme car washes as fails, but I’m sorry, a six week car wash that costs £7,000 (and upwards) is just plain mental. Gurcharn uses wax that costs over eight grand per tub and a £5k police microscope to detect the tiniest scratches in paintwork. I’d rather just buy a Passat 3.2 4MOTION every time my old car got dirty.

1. Car wash mentalist

We’ve already seen one pedal-clueless airhead destroying a car wash but this one is the master car wash destroyer. Not content with totalling the back of his car and appearing to slam into the car in front, this insane driver keeps his foot mashed on the gas until his battered car is jammed against the car wash.

You’ve seen some proper car wash fails, but for more of what we’d like to see have a look at this video:

If Car Throttle made car washes