"Alpha Male" Jeep Wrangler Driver Goes Nuts Outside of Costco (True Story)

So yesterday I went to Costco, home of organic food, free samples, and most of all ‘buying in bulk!’. I checked out a few cameras, I want an affordable DSLR with a flip out screen for possible vlog videos, but decided the 80D and the Nikon option were too expensive. Side note, I want to get a Canon Rebel T5i, comment below what you think about that. Anyway, let’s not get distracted by my delusions of someday becoming a Youtube filmmaker, and get back to the story. So after shopping for various food items, and eating an affordable Pizza, my mother and I left the store to go load up the trusty red wagon. The food fit well in the back, but just as I was finishing, the perfect storm occurred, and one jerk decided to ruin my afternoon.

When it hits the 4x4...

You see, in a slight act of negligence, I decided to leave the cart set out for the cart boy to come get later. While putting the last item in the back I hear my mom alerting me to the fact that a random gust of wind was pushing the cart off of the raised median and towards the car parked next to us. I rushed as quickly as I could to stop the cart, but unfortunately, I was too late. Then, in what seemed like a scenario straight out of cinema the driver of the car, a Yellow 4-door Jeep Wrangler with a Kansas City Chiefs spare tire cover, arrived just in time to see the cart make impact. Now, I thought the fact that all this was an accident, the clear attempt to stop it, and most importantly the fact that it happened to hit his plactic fender leaving not even a slight scratch would mean he would not explode on me. However, I missed one key factor here, which is that many SUV and truck drivers think they are alpha males.

Midlife Crisis Jerks React to Minor Incidents: This episode......"You Hit My Car!"

The driver said sarcastically, “Oh, thanks buddy”, in a way soo annoying he deserved to spend the length of an entire MMA match getting beaten up by Connor McGreggor until the fake alpha smugness gets thoroughly knocked out of him. So, I did not respond, because that would have been exactly what he wanted. Instead, I Iistened to this guy hop into his vi@gra pill on wheels and use the f-word at least twice and reference me as an idiot several times like I could not hear him. I would have peeled out of the parking lot if not for the glass jars of peaches in the rear and the fact that my mom had to watch the whole thing. Getting in the car I told my mom he was a-whole and proceeded to go on a rant about how pitiful of a person the guy was, which has become this post.

How Stuff Works: Alpha Male Posers (VS. Real Off-Roaders)

Why did he do it? He did not appear to be him having a bad day, especially due to him immediately jumping to sarcasm. My hypothesis is that this just another fake alpha male, with an offroad vehicle who never uses it. Would a real Jeep offroad driver be mad some shopping cart knicked his plastic body pieces? No, in fact, most real offroaders know this comes with the territory. The Jeep engineers specifically designed this part of the vehicle to withstand punishment, and from my point off view it held up very well. More importantly, do you think a real man, gets mad over absolutely nothing? No, it just shows how much you need to overcompensate. Another element to the story is he probably identified me as a beta male from my hoody, longish hair, and a body which clearly shows yes, I do not even lift bro. Am I really a beta male? I couldn’t say for sure, but I do fix my own car for one, and I don’t need an SUV to tell me I am in fact a straight male every morning. If raging at high school kids is your hobby, go ahead sir, but you’ll never become a real aplha male by doing so. A real man can control his emotions, and I will let this be a lesson for me to avoid becoming like this guy. People like this give the community of awesome real offroading fans a bad name. Real offroaders do it for fun, and from my impressions of them, they are nice people. Would the host of Dirt Everyday go crazy on me? No, because his cars get wrecked all the time and he does not drive a 4x4 to compensate.

The Roast of Some Jerk Stranger in a Costco Parking Lot

So let’s get things straight: You overreact, you support the piss-poor Chiefs in Pennsylvania, you most likely never take that Wrangler offroad, you clearly over compensate, you like to attack high schoolers, you are not a real alpha male, your car will never last as long as mine, you don’t understand the concept of an accident, you will never achieve anything in life while I have a bright future ahead, you clearly have a midlife crisis, you make all SUV owners look bad, and your big bad banana yellow lifted SUV has less storage capacity than a Honda Civic and pales in comparison to the storage space of my highly practical wagon, which is well designed, better on the road (you never take your’s offroad), faster when modified, and does not need to really on slanted emissions laws and ego extension to gain loyal customers. As far as I am concerned, come back to me when you have conquered Moab or the Rubicon, because then you would have real offroad street cred, and not be another ego driven poser. This type of person would be great stand-up comedy material by the way. So remember people, do not be a low life poser and let this guy be a lesson in how not to act. Remember to stay positive, not all people are this thick (his skull, obviously not his….you know what I mean ;) #blogpost #irlblog #ctvariety #ctcomedy