When Will Car Tuners Learn That Less Is More?

Sometimes, it seems as though there are more 'tuners' out there than there are types of car they profess they’re able to fettle. Gemballa, Brabus, Vilner, ABT, Novitec Rosso, Alpina, RUF, FAB, Mansory, AC Schnitzer, G-Power, TechArt, Oakley Design, Kahn - and that’s just off the top of my head. It’s a wonder so many are able to stay in business, especially given some of the complete tripe many of ‘em insist on selling.

Take this - the Gulf Lotus X12. No, seriously. Take it, I don’t want to have to look at it any longer. It’s making my eyes bleed. Spotted in the UAE, unsurprisingly, it’s allegedly based on a BMW X6. Not the prettiest of BMWs to begin with, I know, but the Gulf is still precisely 7000 times worse. Not to mention probably equally more expensive.

Granted, the X12 is the extreme. A complete re-body undoubtedly finished to the exacting specifications of a wealthy Sheikh - a project undertaken only because there are literally no production cars left that are unique enough to please him. But there are many, many more tastelessly modified high-end motors out there, and all built for the exact same reason. Owners who court shit.

Bright colours, massive wheels, silly interiors. They’re present to provoke a reaction. Usually vomit.

Tuners do get it right from time to time, however. In my experience, this usually happens when they get their hands on something that, when it left the factory, wasn’t as good as it could have been. The speedART Cayman Ollie looked at a couple of weeks ago, for example. Porsche will never push the boundaries of the Cayman’s platform because they don’t want it trampling all over the 911. It’s a car that’s crying out for a hardcore, GT3 RS variant, but alas, it’s not to be. So, we have to rely on the tuners.

Then, we have the McLaren MP4-12C. It’s a great car, don’t get me wrong, but it's pretty dull to look at. Vorsteiner thought so too, so they upped the ante with a tastefully minimalist bodykit and some graphite Y-spoke alloys. This is how the MP4 should always have looked - more aggressive, more supercar-y. The mechanicals aren’t an issue, so Vorsteiner hasn’t messed with them.

Restraint - rare in the world of supercars.